Category Archives: Pros Who Know
19
In 2002, well-known author Shaunti Feldhahn was writing a novel called The Lights of Tenth Street. While researching for the male character in her book, she wanted to know how the character would think or feel. She tells the story of how she began asking her husband what he would think if he were the male character. He answered her and she didn’t believe him. She shares that she began interviewing his best friend, their neighbors, the guy working at Starbucks, and they all answered the same as her husband. She was astounded by her research and realized that she was on to something.
As women, we usually really don’t get how the men in our lives think or feel. Luckily for us, women, Shaunti was a few steps ahead of us. Shortly after this discovery, she hired a survey company to complete a national study focusing on what men really think. Some of it’s good, some of it may not feel so good, but at least we really know, right? Here are some highlights from her book, For Women Only (2004) and the book her husband wrote (you guessed it, after researching women), For Men Only (2006).
For Women Only
1. Men Need Respect
- Men would rather feel unloved than inadequate and disrespected
- 3 out of 4 men would choose respect over love
- If a man feels disrespected, he will feel unloved
What does this look like?
- Respect his judgment
- Respect his abilities
- Respect in communication
- Respect in public
- Respect in our assumptions
2. Men are insecure
- Despite their “in control” exterior, men often feel like impostors and are insecure that their inadequacies will be discovered
- Women, we can:
- Affirm him! When he’s affirmed he can conquer the world.
- If he does not feel affirmed, he will seek affirmation elsewhere (female colleagues, sports, men’s magazines, hobbies)
3. Men are providers
- Men struggle the balance between family time and provision
- Women often put pressure on the men to be at home
4. Men want more sex (okay, maybe we didn’t need a national survey for this point)
- Your sexual desire for your husband profoundly affects his sense of well-being and confidence in all areas of his life
- It’s not just about the sex- 75% of men stated even if they were getting all the sex they wanted, they would still feel empty if their wife were not engaged and satisfied
5. Men are visual
- Even happily married men struggle with being pulled toward live and recollected images of other women
- Reassurances:
- His temptation is often not primarily sexual
- Every man is different
- It’s not because of you
- This doesn’t impact his feelings for you
6. Men are unromantic clods
- Actually, most men enjoy romance (sometimes in different ways) and want to be romantic- but hesitate because they doubt they can succeed
- 84% of men stated that they desire romance, but they are not sure of their romantic abilities
7. Men care about appearance
Since men are so visual, seeing us make the effort to look good makes them feel loved and cared for.
Okay women. Now it’s time for the men to learn about us. I don’t know why it took a national survey- how complicated can we be, right? 
For Men Only
1. Women need to feel loved
- Even if your relationship is great, your mate likely has a fundamental insecurity about your love- and when that insecurity is triggered, she may respond in ways that can confuse or dismay you until she feels reassured
- Jeff tells men to reassure your mate in the face of insecurity, and even when you’ve caught her, pursue her. That means keep chasing her, even after the wedding!
2. Women are emotional (again, we didn’t really need a national survey for men to assume that)
- Women deal with multiple thoughts and emotions from their past and present all the time, at the same time- and these can’t be easily dismissed
- Be her hero and help her close those distracting or painful windows so they don’t keep coming back
3. Women want security
- Your woman needs emotional security and closeness with you so much that she will endure financial insecurity to get it
- They found that 70% of married women would prefer to be financially insecure than endure a lack of closeness with their husbands
4. She doesn’t want you to fix it, she wants you to listen
- When she is sharing an emotional problem, her feelings and her desire to be heard are much more important than the problem itself
- She doesn’t want you to fix it. She just wants you to understand how she’s feeling about the problem (it= refers to an emotional problem, not a technical problem)
5. She doesn’t want much sex, she must not want me (so the man thinks)
- Physically, women tend to crave less sex than men do, and it is usually not related to your desirability
- 96% of women stated that even though they would like less sex than their husband, they still find him desirable and attractive
6. She wants to look attractive
- Inside your smart, secure wife lives a little girl who deeply needs to know that you find her beautiful- and that you only have eyes for her
- We live in a culture where women must fight their way in a war zone of false images, fake bodies and unrealistic expectations
What is the take away from this ground-breaking information? It is this, men and women are created differently. It is essential that we take time to purposefully invest in each other, listen to each other and accept how we are wired as opposites. When we are able to love our mate in spite of our differences, we are closer to reaching true, selfless, love.
For more information on what Kim does as a relationship coach, visit www.andersoncoaching.org, or call 361.442.0196. Also, don’t miss the Planning a Merry Marriage workshops that I lead for free the first Thursday of each month. The next FREE session is June 6th (Resolving Conflict) that will take place in the studio from 7:00 to 8:30!
12
What are boundaries? Boundaries define us. They define what we are responsible for. They delineate who we are and who we are not. They draw a line between the things that we believe in and the things that we don’t. Boundaries state how we will and will not be treated and where we end and someone else begins. Boundaries give us freedom as they help us define what is and is not our responsibility. They also allow us to love. If we are not careful, our boundaries can be too rigid (not letting anyone in), or too loose (no regulation). Read more…
05
Couples continue to rate communication as one of their top challenges. Why is that? It’s because we’re all different! We see things from different perspectives and points of view. Our life experiences have shaped us differently than our spouse or significant other.
There are three important points that are essential for good communication in a relationship. Read more…
30
As you lovely ladies know, Anderson Coaching has been doing FREE sessions here at the studio on the first Thursday of each month. If you didn’t know, well now you do! She will be here this Thursday, May 2nd for a session on “Love Languages.” Read more…
09
If you’ve realized you aren’t seeing all of our Facebook posts in your Newsfeed…you probably aren’t. And there’s a reason why. Oldschool Facebook used to send all posts from your friends, Pages, and “Likes” to your Newsfeed, guaranteeing that you don’t miss anything. Times have changed. Read more…
07
{Wedding 101 Vendor Showcase} Many of you wonder what exactly does {Showcase} mean when you see it on the Wedding 101 event’s calendar. According to Merriam Webster’s online Dictionary, a showcase is “a setting, occasion, or medium for exhibiting something or someone, especially in an attractive or favorable aspect.” Read more…
26
Happy Tuesday lovely brides! I am so excited that it is finally Spring! I like to think that Spring brings new beginnings, new lessons, and new growth. Who better to help couples (dating, engaged, or married) with this than today’s vendor crush, Kim Anderson of Anderson Coaching! Read more…
24
We all know that no relationship is legitimate until it’s “Facebook Official” these days! A lot of brides may be shocked to find that their Facebook relationship status is the only medium recognizing their marriage. I have worked several weddings where brothers, fathers, cousins, and friends officiate the ceremony. HOWEVER, Tennessee State Law has very specific requirements that must be met for someone to legally marry you. Ladies, say bye bye to the idea that an “ordained” friend with an online certificate can marry you and your fiancé…
17
Although I am not a bride and have not yet planned my own wedding, I can easily give you reasons why I think brides should come to Wedding 101…beyond the obvious, simple fact that it is FREE for all planning brides. So, I wanted a bride who has already planned and had her wedding to give you her top 3 reasons for taking advantage of me and my free service to you! Read more…
10
January and February are the two most popular months for engagements, and that means they are two of the busiest planning months. When I say planning, I really mean choosing a wedding date and venue. Read more…
A Sweet or Two: The yummiest cake and dessert vendors in the Nashville area are right here!
Need A Photographer: Check out our extensive list of Nashville's best wedding photographers
-
